From 9/4/09

The world is on the brink of autumn. Leaves are changing in a few places; birds have been flocking for two or three weeks. The bright sunshine arrives a little earlier each morning and leaves a little sooner each night. The achingly sweet smell of woodsmoke lingers in the air near the campgrounds just a little longer. The air is noticeably more crisp in the morning and a sweater comes in handy in the evening. Back-to-school sales are full-swing, but the offerings have been picked over. Bedtimes are being readjusted. Summer's produce is being canned or frozen against the winter's hunger.

All signs point to the nearness of autumn outside and I'm realizing that all signs are pointing to the nearness of autumn in my own life...my birds are spreading their wings and flying; my energy arrives later and leaves earlier each day; changes and adjustments occur often.

It's the beginning of autumn in my life.

Where did the summer go?

When Matt left for boot camp on July 27, 2003, I didn't rush right out and buy a Blue Star Service Flag for my window or the pin to wear. I waited until he earned his Eagle, Globe, and Anchor and could truly be called a Marine. I didn't want to "jinx" anything or count my chickens too early.  But since THAT day in October 2003, I've never deliberately gone without it on my left shoulder, a "rank insignia" so to speak. I wore one star for Matt, two when they were both in, and one for Andy. I purchased his from a street vendor at the Vietnam Memorial when we visited him in Washington, DC. Matt had just finished his active service and it was time for  the new pin, one which represented only Andy.

But yesterday, I didn't put it on. I intended to wear it until Andy was officially finished, August 5, so has not to "jinx" anything or count my chickens too early. My shoulder feels a little bare, my morning routine a little strange and I know I can't dig through the laundry and find it there any more. I gave it away.

It was Friday night, Fourth of July weekend. Jenny was bringing four friends; Rayanna was coming; Andy and Matt were home. Everyone would be there. I'd forgotten the spaghetti and sauce even though they were plainly on the list in my hand that morning. I took Dave to work and ran into the grocery store to grab those two items....and ran into the mom of a high school classmate. I hadn't seen her in fifteen? twenty? years. I listened and chatted for 20 minutes or more, all with a strong sense that God wanted me listening and chatting more than He cared about having spaghetti on the table exactly on time. One of the things I learned was that my classmate's son was about to deploy to Afghanistan and his mom was worried sick about him. I promised to write him on my prayer list, hugged my classmate's mom and left.

This past Thursday we FINALLY got a good day for the beach. People dilly-dallied. We ran late; there would be no parking spots left.  I stopped to get snacks. Beto forgot his shoes so he couldn't go to the go-karts as planned with Dave. I fussed and fumed and drove back for the shoes. We had to stop for gas. The first pump wouldn't work, we had to pull around and face the other way. AAARRRGGGHHHH!  

And there, going into the gas station, was the high school classmate. And I was wearing my pin. And I knew I was supposed to give it to her.

So I went in, touched her shoulder and said her name, quickly dispensed with the pleasantries and asked if her mom had mentioned meeting me. No? Well, she told me about your son...I was taking off the pin as we spoke...this is for you. I wore it every day for my son; he just came home. This is for you now until yours comes home. Don't make me cry, she said. I won't. But he's on my prayer list. Don't make me cry, she said. I won't. I hugged her and went on my way. I think in truth we both had tears.

I'll have to call another day, when kids aren't waiting in the van, frazzled and anxious to be going. My prayer, then and now, is that God will use that pin for His kingdom. My empty shoulder is also a reminder to pray for Cheri, and Bud.

Only later did I realize that I wasn't running late either day. I was right on time to meet two ladies God wanted me to meet. So my frustration and anger were totally useless and ugly. Forgive me, Father.

Beach time was fantastic too.